Terrific Chapter 2!

What a terrific job you’ve done with this new chapter in Phil’s mysterious camping trip! I particularly liked the specific details you used in your writing: things like showing Phil’s honesty by his thinking that he’d never even stolen candy from his little sister’s Halloween bucket, and Randy taking ten pancakes because they were small, and descriptive details like the dog’s barking as “a giant rock smashing on the concrete” and the “creamy marshmallow formations” and the stranger’s raspy voice. This sort of detail puts the reader right into the world of the story.

You’ve also done a great job of developing the mystery. I like Phil’s suspicion of Mr. Troth and the way you explore it by his wondering why the science teacher seemed to be sneaking around the bushes, and his keeping an eye on the teacher all morning, then following him at lunch to that suspicious meeting, only to find he’d been eavesdropping on a couple of science teachers. Then again, what was actually in that green notebook? Could the stranger in that trench coat and sunglasses be someone other than just a science teacher?

You’ve set up lots of terrific clues and mini-puzzles to carry the mystery forward, in addition to the curious incident with the raspy-voiced stranger. What happened to Mr. Callantine’s keys? And what did the raccoon have tucked in its paws as it darted past Phil? What had that noise in the bushes been? Where did those scattered shards of plastic come from?

You’ve done a really good job of building tension throughout, by showing Mr. Troth’s suspicion of Phil. I wonder if Missy and the other girls, and Justin and the other boys are also showing their suspicion of Phil in their own ways? And I’ll bet Maggie and Levi are really upset with him. I was especially pleased to see you doing such a great job of building tension by showing Phil counting down the hours until he’ll call his dad, and wondering how he can possibly explain what’s happening.

Then you ended your chapter on a wonderful cliffhanger: what has happened to Dexter’s Palm Pilot?? That sets up a great opportunity for Chapter 3, to explore what Dexter’s missing Palm Pilot does to his friendship with Phil. Will Phil be able to convince Dexter that he had nothing to do with it and keep Dexter on his side, or will everyone’s suspicion of Phil prove too much for Dexter? Will Molli believe Phil is innocent? How can Phil hold onto his friends and also solve the mystery? I can’t wait to read Chapter 3!