I was delighted to read Chapter 6 - Fourth Grade did a terrific job of brainstorming, and Brooke S. did a great job of writing this up! I really liked the way you decided to have one Palm Pilot disappear that Phil couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with - though I’m surprised that Mr. Callantine didn’t tell Missy that this time it couldn’t be Phil. I’m still suspicious of these adults who are so determined to blame Phil. And I liked the way Mr. Fletcher turned up again - you did a good job of going back over the earlier chapters in the mystery and picking up the threads: the raccoon, and that loud grating noise, in addition to the mystery animal scientist specialist with the gravely voice. Very good writing! I also like how effectively you’ve blended dialogue and action throughout. This makes the chapter very lifelike, and therefore very believable.
You did a great job of building on Phil’s mistaken conclusion that Missy was the thief. I liked seeing him watch his classmates and wonder about them. And I was particularly pleased to see that Phil has finally gotten to the point when he’s so confused and frustrated that he forgot to make the list for his dad, and finally tells his dad what’s going on. I’m sure it was very tempting to let his father try to take over and want to do more to defend his son, but you did an excellent job of letting him be concerned and sympathetic, but not letting him take control of the story away from Phil. He’s unburdened himself, and he knows that his father and Dexter and Molli support him, but it’s still up to him to solve the mystery.
And then you build to a strong chapter ending with Phil carefully observing his classmates as they get ready for the dinner and IMAX evening out. I liked the specific details - they were so much in character, with Missy painting her fingernails, and the boys teasing each other. Then seeing all that money in Randy’s wallet was quite a surprise! Is it money from his savings account, or from his parents, to buy something special in West Yellowstone? Or did Randy steal it, as the reader will undoubtedly suspect? Has Phil found the first real clue to the thief’s identity at last, or is this another false clue, like Missy’s earning money from the collector key chains?
You came up with a terrific cliffhanger chapter ending! Just when it looks like Phil is in the clear at last, and even the teachers are laidback and singing, the money disappears from the lock box, and Phil was the one who found the key earlier. Now he looks guilty all over again. What excellent plotting!
I can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 7. The mystery is building toward its conclusion now. Will Phil learn something important by following up the money in Randy’s wallet, or will it be another dead end? Will Phil be able to figure out some answers as to who’d dropped the keys in the mud that night? Was that just an accident that Mr. Troth and Mr. Callantine had and didn’t notice at the time, or did the real thief drop them? How will Chapter 7 set up the conclusion in Chapter 8? I’m as puzzled as Phil is - and I genuinely like him and Dexter, so I care about what happens to them. I want to see Phil prove himself innocent in the end. Chapter 7 will set all that up. Have fun writing it!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Chapter 6 is done!
The 4th grade class, and Brooke S. have finished writing Chapter 6. Phil is finding himself with more questions than answers, and in an even stickier situation. Good work 4th grade!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Chapter 6 is underway...
The 4th Grade class has plotted and schemed, and collected ideas to make Chapter 6 and interesting addition to our story. Brooke and I have been busy writing the class' ideas into story reality. Watch for the newest chapter coming soon...
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Field of Suspects Narrows!
The mystery just gets better and better - what a great way to get the New Year off to an exciting start! Sixth grade and Seth have done a terrific job of building on the clues from previous chapters so that Phil thinks he’s found the thief, only to be very surprised when he announces his supposed solution to the mystery. I really enjoyed seeing the new pictures for the earlier chapters, too.
You got the chapter off to a strong start with Mr. Callantine’s reaction to the keys falling out of Phil’s pocket, and Mr. Troth’s telling the boys that they keep making themselves look suspicious, and punishing them by not allowing them to go to Old Faithful with the other kids. It definitely bothers me that he and Mr. Callantine are so easily convinced of Phil’s guilt - and punish Dexter just by association!
I haven’t forgotten when Phil followed Mr. Troth - what if that green notebook was more than just a couple of science teachers sharing class projects or lesson plans? Phil didn’t hang around to find out. And what about that receipt? Usually someone who’s as quick to condemn another person as Mr. Troth is has something to hide himself. Not all the adults believe Phil is guilty - Mr. Nash has kept an open mind. Is that just because Molli has told him Phil couldn’t have done it, or is he wondering, also, why the school authorities have decided Phil’s the thief on so little evidence?
I was pleased to see the way you’ve developed the other kids’ hostility, with Randy sneering and Missy not wanting Phil’s help when she falls. You’ve done a good job of clarifying the way the lines are being drawn among the kids, with Dexter and Molli sticking up for Phil, and the others getting downright nasty. I also found it interesting that Randy is the one calling Phil names at the beginning, and also the next student to have his Palm Pilot stolen.
I particularly liked Molli’s staying behind to help Phil and Dexter figure out the mystery. Your dialogue between the three of them does a good job of showing their personalities and cementing their friendship, as well as examining the evidence so far. And you did a great job of blending in that dialogue with action as they examined the footprints in the bushes. I only wondered why Molli didn’t come out to support them when Phil tried to confront Missy and prove her guilt.
You did a great job setting up Missy and then explaining away all the clues that seemed to condemn her. That narrows the list of suspects. So who could the real thief be? And what is that loud grating noise? Poor Phil! I wonder what he saw moving by the bushes before he ran into the tree? He’s still collecting clues, but I’m afraid he’s going to hate camping worse than ever when he finally gets home from this ordeal. What is he going to do next?
How will the mystery thicken still further? Randy must have taken his Palm Pilot to Old Faithful. If Phil wasn’t on the trip, and then he was with Missy and Mr. Troth (with Mr. Callantine and half the class following them) when Randy’s Palm Pilot went missing, does he have an alibi at last? Or did Randy forget his Palm Pilot, so it was in the tent the whole time the kids were gone, which would make Phil look even more guilty than ever? Only Chapter 6 can answer those questions!
You got the chapter off to a strong start with Mr. Callantine’s reaction to the keys falling out of Phil’s pocket, and Mr. Troth’s telling the boys that they keep making themselves look suspicious, and punishing them by not allowing them to go to Old Faithful with the other kids. It definitely bothers me that he and Mr. Callantine are so easily convinced of Phil’s guilt - and punish Dexter just by association!
I haven’t forgotten when Phil followed Mr. Troth - what if that green notebook was more than just a couple of science teachers sharing class projects or lesson plans? Phil didn’t hang around to find out. And what about that receipt? Usually someone who’s as quick to condemn another person as Mr. Troth is has something to hide himself. Not all the adults believe Phil is guilty - Mr. Nash has kept an open mind. Is that just because Molli has told him Phil couldn’t have done it, or is he wondering, also, why the school authorities have decided Phil’s the thief on so little evidence?
I was pleased to see the way you’ve developed the other kids’ hostility, with Randy sneering and Missy not wanting Phil’s help when she falls. You’ve done a good job of clarifying the way the lines are being drawn among the kids, with Dexter and Molli sticking up for Phil, and the others getting downright nasty. I also found it interesting that Randy is the one calling Phil names at the beginning, and also the next student to have his Palm Pilot stolen.
I particularly liked Molli’s staying behind to help Phil and Dexter figure out the mystery. Your dialogue between the three of them does a good job of showing their personalities and cementing their friendship, as well as examining the evidence so far. And you did a great job of blending in that dialogue with action as they examined the footprints in the bushes. I only wondered why Molli didn’t come out to support them when Phil tried to confront Missy and prove her guilt.
You did a great job setting up Missy and then explaining away all the clues that seemed to condemn her. That narrows the list of suspects. So who could the real thief be? And what is that loud grating noise? Poor Phil! I wonder what he saw moving by the bushes before he ran into the tree? He’s still collecting clues, but I’m afraid he’s going to hate camping worse than ever when he finally gets home from this ordeal. What is he going to do next?
How will the mystery thicken still further? Randy must have taken his Palm Pilot to Old Faithful. If Phil wasn’t on the trip, and then he was with Missy and Mr. Troth (with Mr. Callantine and half the class following them) when Randy’s Palm Pilot went missing, does he have an alibi at last? Or did Randy forget his Palm Pilot, so it was in the tent the whole time the kids were gone, which would make Phil look even more guilty than ever? Only Chapter 6 can answer those questions!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Chapter 5 is done! More Illustrations too...
The sixth grade class, and Seth, have finished writing Chapter 5! Phil and his friends think they have things solved... Also, the wonderful 1st Grade Illustrations for chapters 3 and 4 are posted. They add so much to the story! Enjoy
Monday, January 19, 2009
Chapter 5 is coming right along
The 6th grade class has designed a great chapter 5, including a wonderful twist. Seth and I are working hard to get the chapter written up, and it's coming right along. We'll have it posted at the end of the month, along with Illustrations from 1st Grade for Chapters 3 and 4. Our mystery is deepening more and more each month...
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What an exciting Chapter 4!
Chapter 4 was a terrific treat for the holidays! Kelsey and the third grade did a great job of building on the dramatic cliffhanger ending you were given by Tye and the seventh grade. And I was especially pleased to see how you heightened the tension by using sensory details like the scent of wet dog and the slimy gooey mud that half-hid the battery - and what a surprise that the battery came from Dexter’s Palm Pilot! That definitely helps Dexter hold onto his belief in Phil’s innocence in the face of the circumstantial evidence that seems to condemn him in everyone else’s eyes.
I also really like the way Phil is so pro-active in trying to solve the mystery. First he sneaks off with Dexter to follow the trail in the night (more good use of sensory detail to build tension with the slight breeze rustling the leaves in the dark), then he wakes up connecting the keys they found with the set of keys sticking out of the bus lockbox when he’d hit his ankle, and tiptoes out to check the bus. How eerie that was! And you made great use of details like the musty air inside the bus and the cold metal lid - and the grating sound that makes him hurry back to his tent.
You’ve also done a terrific job of introducing lots of great twists to set things up for the next chapter - that box of money was very suspicious, and what made that grating sound? Most important, where did the money come from? And what happened to Leslie’s Palm Pilot? There are so many great clues here! But most troubling is the question of why the whole camp turns on Phil as soon as Leslie announces her Palm Pilot is gone? It seems very unfair that they all suspect him without any real evidence.
Then you’ve ended on a terrific cliffhanger - I have pockets with embarrassing holes, and I’m sure everyone reading this mystery will identify with Phil’s realization that the keys are sliding through the hole in his pocket and down to the ground. But that certainly makes Phil look more suspicious than ever. I loved the way Mr. Callantine’s eyes bulged and his face looked as hot as the sun - I could really see that. And I can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 5.
Does Phil even try to explain how he found the keys? Or does he suspect it would be useless to say anything? Does Dexter or Molli try to stand up for their friend, or do they decide to keep quiet? And what is Phil going to find at Old Faithful? Will more clues erupt with the geyser, or will he simply find himself frozen out by his classmates? Third grade has done such a great job that I can’t wait to find out what sixth grade is going to do next!
I also really like the way Phil is so pro-active in trying to solve the mystery. First he sneaks off with Dexter to follow the trail in the night (more good use of sensory detail to build tension with the slight breeze rustling the leaves in the dark), then he wakes up connecting the keys they found with the set of keys sticking out of the bus lockbox when he’d hit his ankle, and tiptoes out to check the bus. How eerie that was! And you made great use of details like the musty air inside the bus and the cold metal lid - and the grating sound that makes him hurry back to his tent.
You’ve also done a terrific job of introducing lots of great twists to set things up for the next chapter - that box of money was very suspicious, and what made that grating sound? Most important, where did the money come from? And what happened to Leslie’s Palm Pilot? There are so many great clues here! But most troubling is the question of why the whole camp turns on Phil as soon as Leslie announces her Palm Pilot is gone? It seems very unfair that they all suspect him without any real evidence.
Then you’ve ended on a terrific cliffhanger - I have pockets with embarrassing holes, and I’m sure everyone reading this mystery will identify with Phil’s realization that the keys are sliding through the hole in his pocket and down to the ground. But that certainly makes Phil look more suspicious than ever. I loved the way Mr. Callantine’s eyes bulged and his face looked as hot as the sun - I could really see that. And I can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 5.
Does Phil even try to explain how he found the keys? Or does he suspect it would be useless to say anything? Does Dexter or Molli try to stand up for their friend, or do they decide to keep quiet? And what is Phil going to find at Old Faithful? Will more clues erupt with the geyser, or will he simply find himself frozen out by his classmates? Third grade has done such a great job that I can’t wait to find out what sixth grade is going to do next!
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