Monforton Mystery Writing Blog

Contest Winner Announced

2009-05-29T08:24:00.000-07:00

The fourteen contest entries have been reviewed, and we have a winner! Kendall Bowen from 5th grade was selected as the winner of the school-wide writing contest. Congratulations! Her final chapter will be attached to the story online as the official ending. All other entrants will also have their chapters posted online in a later section of alternate endings.

All of the students who submitted writing for the contest were honored in an assembly on Thursday, May 28. They all received a writing journal, and a gift card to the movie theater. Brooke Springer of 4th grade was our Honorable Mention winner, and she received a signed copy of Elaine Alphin's Ghost Soldier. As our winner, Kendall Bowen recieved a signed copy of Ghost Soldier and $50 cash! Elaine Alphin read Kendall's winning chapter aloud to the school, and honored everyone for all their great work.

Thanks to all who helped create this wonderful story!

We have 14 Contest Entrants

2009-05-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

Fourteen students turned in their writing for the final chapter writing contest. Here they are:

Quincy Airhart - 2nd Grade

Kendall Bowen - 5th Grade

Tyler Cooper - 5th Grade

Tanner Dahlin - 2nd Grade

Emily Hull - 7th Grade

Garrett Johnson - 2nd Grade

McKenna Kirschten - 5th Grade

Maddie Powers - 5th Grade

Alyssa Quinn - 2nd Grade

Austin Roos - 8th Grade

Nathan Soto - 5th Grade

Brooke Springer - 4th Grade

Carli Springer - 2nd Grade

Kaydee Anne TeSelle - 2nd Grade

3 contest entrants so far

2009-05-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

Three ambitious Monforton writers have submitted final chapters to our contest so far. How is the story going to end? Keep writing! Keep submitting! The contest ends May 15th.

The Mystery Writing Contest Has Begun

2009-04-22T13:38:00.000-07:00

Between now and May 15th, any student, or group of students, at Monforton School can write the final chapter of the Monforton Mystery and solve the mystery however they want! The first seven chapters have brought us through many clues, unusual happenings, suspicions, and decisions. Now it's time for Phil to solve the mystery once and for all, and keep his family name in good shape! So students: who do you think is guilty? How is Phil going to prove it? Write your chapter and tell the world!

Every writer who submits a solution chapter will win a pair of movie tickets, and a writing journal, and their pages will be posted online. One writer will be chosen as the grand prize winner - their chapter will be attached online as the official ending to the Monforton Mystery. They will also win $50.00!

Our Mystery Writing Bash will be held on Thursday, May 28th, where Elaine Marie Alphin will once again visit our school, pass out awards, and read the contest winning chapter!

Good luck writing! We can't wait to have this mystery finally solved...

What a terrific build to the mystery's solution!!

2009-04-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

I'm so impressed with the great job 8th Grade and Donovan F. have done with Chapter 7! You've ratcheted up the tension and drawn the threads of the various clues together to set up the final chapter very effectively. I particularly like the way you've reminded readers of so many small details they might have lost track of during the mystery, like Mr. Nash's bug, the grating noise, the green notebook, the receipt, the keys. And you've kept Phil and Dexter perfectly in character - I loved it when Dexter blurted that out about Phil's seeing the money in the lockbox, and when he brought Phil the napkin full of slices of pork and green beans - he's a great friend even if he trips over his own feet (and puts his foot in his mouth way too often!)

And you've done a good job of further developing the puzzle of why the adults are so rotten to Phil - it's still unreasonable that Mr. Callantine immediately blames Phil and punishes him by leaving him on the bus and tells him he's going to be sent home the following morning - especially when he's so nice to Randy who unexpectedly offers to pay for the evening, without ever questioning how Randy got all that money! But it's completely consistent with his unreasonable treatment of Phil the whole way through. Here's the thing I found interesting, though - if Mr. Callantine was the villain of the piece, why would he leave Phil alone on the bus with the muddy boot and the flashlight in the compartment? Wouldn't he worry that Phil might find them? So that might be the clue that would prove him innocent (even if he's still unreasonably unfair to Phil) - or it might mean that he thinks Phil isn't smart enough to find the compartment, or to understand the significance of the boot and the flashlight.

Or it might mean that the boot and the flashlight are red herrings - false clues that don't mean anything in terms of solving the mystery.

By the way, I especially liked the way the compartment's latch felt cold to Phil's touch, and the way we heard the hinge squeak as the lid popped open. Sensory details like that really help the reader feel as spooked as Phil feels.

You've left so many possibilities for writers to explore in the final chapter! Who did Dexter overhear with the deep voice when he was in the bathroom (what a perfect place to eavesdrop!)? Is the one more item really one more Palm Pilot? And isn't it interesting that Mr. Nash conveniently disappears just when Dexter overhears the conversation? Mr. Nash tells Phil that he believes him - he believes that Phil didn't steal the Palm Pilots or the money. Could that be because Mr. Nash knows who did? Could he be involved? But why would he steal kids' Palm Pilots? And if he's involved, why did he tell Phil that he would figure it out sooner or later? That suggests that Mr. Nash is innocent - or that he's staying close to Phil so he'll be there when Phil does figure it out - to silence him!

I love your chapter ending with Phil's determination to set a trap. So we're all set for the final chapter to be played out at 11:00 that night. Time has run out for Phil - he has to solve the mystery before he's sent home in disgrace in the morning, and you've shown his determination to do just that. I'm really excited to see what's going to happen!

As you plan out your possible last chapters, remember that at the end of a book the main character should run up against the worst obstacle at all. It should look as if there's no way that he can overcome this worst obstacle, so the reader believes that there can't possibly be a happy ending. But then the main character should look deep within himself, and discover that he possesses inner strengths that help him see a way to triumph. This worst obstacle is more than solving the mystery - in fact, the worst obstacle in a mystery often comes after the main character has identified the real culprit, but before he can tell anyone.

Perhaps Phil sets his trap and springs it, and realizes who the thief is, but the thief sees him and locks Phil up somewhere and everyone thinks Phil just ran away to avoid being sent home. Phil must find a way to escape and identify the thief - and make the others believe him.

Perhaps Phil sets his trap and no thief shows up. With time desperately short, what will Phil do to prove his innocence?

Perhaps Phil sets his trap and identifies the thief, but when he tries to tell the others, the thief is someone no one wants to believe capable of doing this, and Mr. Callahan and Mr. Troth think Phil is lying again.

Whoever you pick to be the thief - be sure that he or she consistently fits the clues that have been laid so far. But be creative - sometimes the best friend can turn out to be the bad guy! While Phil is setting his trap, could he be walking into a trap that Dexter has set for him? Did Dexter really overhear a conversation, or did he make it up?

But whoever the thief is, remember that he or she must have a motive. All of you have done a great job of setting up motives so far, as with Missy. The motive doesn't have to be complicated, but it must be believable.

The last, all-important, thing to keep in mind as you plot out the mystery's solution is that Phil has to solve the mystery himself. You can't have his father, concerned about what's going on, call the sheriff and send him with a bunch of deputies to the camp to arrive just in the nick of time to rescue Phil from the thief's clutches. You can't have Mr. Callahan suddenly regret he accused Phil and blunder in just as the trap is sprung and the thief realizes that Phil has seen him and is prepared to silence this inconvenient witness, and save the day.

You can use the others to help Phil, of course - as long as he's the one who brings about the resolution. For instance, if the thief sees him and chases him, and Phil leads the thief straight for Mr. Troth's dog, shouting for the dog to attack the thief, and the whole camp wakes up and everybody rushes out of their tents with their flashlights illuminating the thief on the ground with the dog standing on his (or her!) chest, then Phil has saved himself.

It's up to you to figure out how Phil will set his trap and how he will find his inner strength to overcome the last, worst obstacle and prove his innocence. It's up to you to decide who the thief is, and why the thief stole the Palm Pilots and the money.

And it's also up to you whether or not Phil will forgive the people who assumed his was guilty. After going through an ordeal in a book, characters grow and change. Usually it's for the better, but it could be a change for the worse. Phil snapped at Mr. Nash (he had every reason to be angry at being punished for something he didn't do - but he wasn't the snapping type before). Does this mean that the events of this camping trip will turn him bitter? Or will he rise above it on the strength of his solving the mystery and identifying the thief when no one else could?

You have so many possible endings for this terrific mystery, Monforton Students - I hope many of you will try your hand at writing the last chapter. I'm excited to see how you choose to end Phil's story.

Chapter 7 is Posted...

2009-04-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

Chapter 7, written by the 8th Grade and Donovan F., is posted! Our story is building quickly, ready for the final conclusion. So all you writers, write us an ending! Watch for news about the final chapter writing contest

Chapter 7 is Underway

2009-03-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

The 8th grade class has plotted and planned, and Chapter 7 is underway. This is the last chapter to be written by a class. The next chapter, Chapter 8, will be a writing contest for anyone in the school to do. How will the 8th grade leave us to write the final solution to our mystery?

Very well-plotted Chapter 6!

2009-03-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

I was delighted to read Chapter 6 - Fourth Grade did a terrific job of brainstorming, and Brooke S. did a great job of writing this up! I really liked the way you decided to have one Palm Pilot disappear that Phil couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with - though I’m surprised that Mr. Callantine didn’t tell Missy that this time it couldn’t be Phil. I’m still suspicious of these adults who are so determined to blame Phil. And I liked the way Mr. Fletcher turned up again - you did a good job of going back over the earlier chapters in the mystery and picking up the threads: the raccoon, and that loud grating noise, in addition to the mystery animal scientist specialist with the gravely voice. Very good writing! I also like how effectively you’ve blended dialogue and action throughout. This makes the chapter very lifelike, and therefore very believable.

You did a great job of building on Phil’s mistaken conclusion that Missy was the thief. I liked seeing him watch his classmates and wonder about them. And I was particularly pleased to see that Phil has finally gotten to the point when he’s so confused and frustrated that he forgot to make the list for his dad, and finally tells his dad what’s going on. I’m sure it was very tempting to let his father try to take over and want to do more to defend his son, but you did an excellent job of letting him be concerned and sympathetic, but not letting him take control of the story away from Phil. He’s unburdened himself, and he knows that his father and Dexter and Molli support him, but it’s still up to him to solve the mystery.

And then you build to a strong chapter ending with Phil carefully observing his classmates as they get ready for the dinner and IMAX evening out. I liked the specific details - they were so much in character, with Missy painting her fingernails, and the boys teasing each other. Then seeing all that money in Randy’s wallet was quite a surprise! Is it money from his savings account, or from his parents, to buy something special in West Yellowstone? Or did Randy steal it, as the reader will undoubtedly suspect? Has Phil found the first real clue to the thief’s identity at last, or is this another false clue, like Missy’s earning money from the collector key chains?

You came up with a terrific cliffhanger chapter ending! Just when it looks like Phil is in the clear at last, and even the teachers are laidback and singing, the money disappears from the lock box, and Phil was the one who found the key earlier. Now he looks guilty all over again. What excellent plotting!

I can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 7. The mystery is building toward its conclusion now. Will Phil learn something important by following up the money in Randy’s wallet, or will it be another dead end? Will Phil be able to figure out some answers as to who’d dropped the keys in the mud that night? Was that just an accident that Mr. Troth and Mr. Callantine had and didn’t notice at the time, or did the real thief drop them? How will Chapter 7 set up the conclusion in Chapter 8? I’m as puzzled as Phil is - and I genuinely like him and Dexter, so I care about what happens to them. I want to see Phil prove himself innocent in the end. Chapter 7 will set all that up. Have fun writing it!

Chapter 6 is done!

2009-03-04T08:40:00.001-08:00

The 4th grade class, and Brooke S. have finished writing Chapter 6. Phil is finding himself with more questions than answers, and in an even stickier situation. Good work 4th grade!

Chapter 6 is underway...

2009-02-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

The 4th Grade class has plotted and schemed, and collected ideas to make Chapter 6 and interesting addition to our story. Brooke and I have been busy writing the class' ideas into story reality. Watch for the newest chapter coming soon...

The Field of Suspects Narrows!

2009-02-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

The mystery just gets better and better - what a great way to get the New Year off to an exciting start! Sixth grade and Seth have done a terrific job of building on the clues from previous chapters so that Phil thinks he’s found the thief, only to be very surprised when he announces his supposed solution to the mystery. I really enjoyed seeing the new pictures for the earlier chapters, too.

You got the chapter off to a strong start with Mr. Callantine’s reaction to the keys falling out of Phil’s pocket, and Mr. Troth’s telling the boys that they keep making themselves look suspicious, and punishing them by not allowing them to go to Old Faithful with the other kids. It definitely bothers me that he and Mr. Callantine are so easily convinced of Phil’s guilt - and punish Dexter just by association!

I haven’t forgotten when Phil followed Mr. Troth - what if that green notebook was more than just a couple of science teachers sharing class projects or lesson plans? Phil didn’t hang around to find out. And what about that receipt? Usually someone who’s as quick to condemn another person as Mr. Troth is has something to hide himself. Not all the adults believe Phil is guilty - Mr. Nash has kept an open mind. Is that just because Molli has told him Phil couldn’t have done it, or is he wondering, also, why the school authorities have decided Phil’s the thief on so little evidence?

I was pleased to see the way you’ve developed the other kids’ hostility, with Randy sneering and Missy not wanting Phil’s help when she falls. You’ve done a good job of clarifying the way the lines are being drawn among the kids, with Dexter and Molli sticking up for Phil, and the others getting downright nasty. I also found it interesting that Randy is the one calling Phil names at the beginning, and also the next student to have his Palm Pilot stolen.

I particularly liked Molli’s staying behind to help Phil and Dexter figure out the mystery. Your dialogue between the three of them does a good job of showing their personalities and cementing their friendship, as well as examining the evidence so far. And you did a great job of blending in that dialogue with action as they examined the footprints in the bushes. I only wondered why Molli didn’t come out to support them when Phil tried to confront Missy and prove her guilt.

You did a great job setting up Missy and then explaining away all the clues that seemed to condemn her. That narrows the list of suspects. So who could the real thief be? And what is that loud grating noise? Poor Phil! I wonder what he saw moving by the bushes before he ran into the tree? He’s still collecting clues, but I’m afraid he’s going to hate camping worse than ever when he finally gets home from this ordeal. What is he going to do next?

How will the mystery thicken still further? Randy must have taken his Palm Pilot to Old Faithful. If Phil wasn’t on the trip, and then he was with Missy and Mr. Troth (with Mr. Callantine and half the class following them) when Randy’s Palm Pilot went missing, does he have an alibi at last? Or did Randy forget his Palm Pilot, so it was in the tent the whole time the kids were gone, which would make Phil look even more guilty than ever? Only Chapter 6 can answer those questions!

Chapter 5 is done! More Illustrations too...

2009-01-26T13:54:00.000-08:00

The sixth grade class, and Seth, have finished writing Chapter 5! Phil and his friends think they have things solved... Also, the wonderful 1st Grade Illustrations for chapters 3 and 4 are posted. They add so much to the story! Enjoy

Chapter 5 is coming right along

2009-01-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

The 6th grade class has designed a great chapter 5, including a wonderful twist. Seth and I are working hard to get the chapter written up, and it's coming right along. We'll have it posted at the end of the month, along with Illustrations from 1st Grade for Chapters 3 and 4. Our mystery is deepening more and more each month...

What an exciting Chapter 4!

2009-01-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

Chapter 4 was a terrific treat for the holidays! Kelsey and the third grade did a great job of building on the dramatic cliffhanger ending you were given by Tye and the seventh grade. And I was especially pleased to see how you heightened the tension by using sensory details like the scent of wet dog and the slimy gooey mud that half-hid the battery - and what a surprise that the battery came from Dexter’s Palm Pilot! That definitely helps Dexter hold onto his belief in Phil’s innocence in the face of the circumstantial evidence that seems to condemn him in everyone else’s eyes.

I also really like the way Phil is so pro-active in trying to solve the mystery. First he sneaks off with Dexter to follow the trail in the night (more good use of sensory detail to build tension with the slight breeze rustling the leaves in the dark), then he wakes up connecting the keys they found with the set of keys sticking out of the bus lockbox when he’d hit his ankle, and tiptoes out to check the bus. How eerie that was! And you made great use of details like the musty air inside the bus and the cold metal lid - and the grating sound that makes him hurry back to his tent.

You’ve also done a terrific job of introducing lots of great twists to set things up for the next chapter - that box of money was very suspicious, and what made that grating sound? Most important, where did the money come from? And what happened to Leslie’s Palm Pilot? There are so many great clues here! But most troubling is the question of why the whole camp turns on Phil as soon as Leslie announces her Palm Pilot is gone? It seems very unfair that they all suspect him without any real evidence.

Then you’ve ended on a terrific cliffhanger - I have pockets with embarrassing holes, and I’m sure everyone reading this mystery will identify with Phil’s realization that the keys are sliding through the hole in his pocket and down to the ground. But that certainly makes Phil look more suspicious than ever. I loved the way Mr. Callantine’s eyes bulged and his face looked as hot as the sun - I could really see that. And I can’t wait to see what happens in Chapter 5.

Does Phil even try to explain how he found the keys? Or does he suspect it would be useless to say anything? Does Dexter or Molli try to stand up for their friend, or do they decide to keep quiet? And what is Phil going to find at Old Faithful? Will more clues erupt with the geyser, or will he simply find himself frozen out by his classmates? Third grade has done such a great job that I can’t wait to find out what sixth grade is going to do next!

Chapter 4 is written!

2008-12-26T10:21:00.000-08:00

Third grade has done a fantastic job of brainstorming, plotting and adding sensory details and clues to chapter 4. Then Kelsey wrote it all out. I hope you enjoy their chapter! I sure had a great time helping them write it! (They are a very creative class)

Excellent Chapter 3!

2008-12-12T17:33:00.000-08:00

I’m sorry to be slow to comment on 7th Grade’s terrific Chapter 3 - I’ve been out of town with medical problems, and just got back. I was looking forward to reading the new chapter, and I certainly wasn’t disappointed! I was also delighted to see the great illustrations that 2nd Grade contributed to Chapters 1 & 2. These make a good story even better.

In this chapter you’ve done a great job of weaving an even tighter web of circumstantial evidence around Phil, and you’ve given him more clues that confuse him now, but might just help him solve the mystery in the end. I particularly liked the way Phil wanted to tell his dad everything, but reconsidered when his phone camera accidentally took that photograph and he told himself that he still had clues to follow up, so in another day of sleuthing he might be able to solve the mystery and keep the family name in good shape, and not tell his father until it was all over. You’re doing an especially good job of developing Phil’s character, so that he comes across believably.

I like the way you’re showing how so many of the students believe that Phil is the thief. I love the phrase “After a dinner of mean looks”! What a great job of showing how they’re turning on Phil! Then you’ve effectively contrasted that hostility with the loyalty of Phil’s friends. I’m impressed that Dexter both accepts that Phil will explain later on, and even sneaks out of the tent with him. I do think it’s mysterious that the teachers are so blatantly suspicious of Phil and only Phil - or are they looking at other students suspiciously also, and Phil just hasn’t noticed that? I wonder how the adult chaperones feel about the missing Palm Pilots and Phil’s supposed guilt? Have Molli’s parents voiced their opinions?

I liked the variety of the clues you’ve come up with, from changes in the condition of the lockbox that Phil observes, to the receipt that falls out of Mr. Troth’s pocket, to the conversation Phil overhears between Missy and Anne, to the accidental picture in all its fuzziness, to the suspicious voices outside and Megan’s hair tie. And you end on a great cliffhanger, with Phil and Dexter caught outside after dark by Mr. Troth. How interesting that he keeps looking so suspicious. And that dog definitely complicates Phil’s attempts to puzzle out the mystery. You’ve also set up another good question in whether or not Phil’s being set up. I wonder where the story will go from here? I know December is a short month because of winter break, but I’m excited to see what’s going to happen in Chapter 4!

Chapter 3 Is Written

2008-12-02T07:52:00.000-08:00

Great job 7th Grade and Tye! Chapter 3 is completed and posted. Our mystery is getting deeper for Phil, but he also keeps finding more clues. What will 3rd grade do with chapter 4? Keep watching to find out...

7th Grade has started chapter 3

2008-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

After a fantastic debut by the 5th Grade class in writing chapter 2, the 7th grade class has successfully plotted and schemed for chapter 3 of the Monforton Mystery. This will be a great chapter! We'll have it posted at the end of the month.

Terrific Chapter 2!

2008-11-01T10:09:00.000-07:00

What a terrific job you’ve done with this new chapter in Phil’s mysterious camping trip! I particularly liked the specific details you used in your writing: things like showing Phil’s honesty by his thinking that he’d never even stolen candy from his little sister’s Halloween bucket, and Randy taking ten pancakes because they were small, and descriptive details like the dog’s barking as “a giant rock smashing on the concrete” and the “creamy marshmallow formations” and the stranger’s raspy voice. This sort of detail puts the reader right into the world of the story.

You’ve also done a great job of developing the mystery. I like Phil’s suspicion of Mr. Troth and the way you explore it by his wondering why the science teacher seemed to be sneaking around the bushes, and his keeping an eye on the teacher all morning, then following him at lunch to that suspicious meeting, only to find he’d been eavesdropping on a couple of science teachers. Then again, what was actually in that green notebook? Could the stranger in that trench coat and sunglasses be someone other than just a science teacher?

You’ve set up lots of terrific clues and mini-puzzles to carry the mystery forward, in addition to the curious incident with the raspy-voiced stranger. What happened to Mr. Callantine’s keys? And what did the raccoon have tucked in its paws as it darted past Phil? What had that noise in the bushes been? Where did those scattered shards of plastic come from?

You’ve done a really good job of building tension throughout, by showing Mr. Troth’s suspicion of Phil. I wonder if Missy and the other girls, and Justin and the other boys are also showing their suspicion of Phil in their own ways? And I’ll bet Maggie and Levi are really upset with him. I was especially pleased to see you doing such a great job of building tension by showing Phil counting down the hours until he’ll call his dad, and wondering how he can possibly explain what’s happening.

Then you ended your chapter on a wonderful cliffhanger: what has happened to Dexter’s Palm Pilot?? That sets up a great opportunity for Chapter 3, to explore what Dexter’s missing Palm Pilot does to his friendship with Phil. Will Phil be able to convince Dexter that he had nothing to do with it and keep Dexter on his side, or will everyone’s suspicion of Phil prove too much for Dexter? Will Molli believe Phil is innocent? How can Phil hold onto his friends and also solve the mystery? I can’t wait to read Chapter 3!

Monforton Mystery Comments

2008-10-29T14:13:00.000-07:00

Hi Readers!

I hope you enjoy reading the Monforton Mystery. Each month a new chapter will be posted through our school website. Then come to this blog, and comment on what you read. Also posting on this blog will be author Elaine Marie Alphin, who got us started on this mystery writing journey. Watch here for her hints and tips and writing ideas.